16 guys on what they really think when women “play hard to get”
New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a partner. Carried out by a team from the University of Rochester, along with the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya, the new study recruited women and men. These participants were split into three different studies that looked at their interactions with the opposite sex. In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles that made a potential date look either hard to get or easy to attract. In the second, they had to answer a list of questions that suggested how much effort they would make to pursue a potential partner. In the third, the participants were asked to interact with potential partners via Instant Messenger in a chat, so that the researchers could see how much effort they made to pursue potential dates, and whether playing hard to get would have an effect on this effort. The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , showed that people who were perceived as being hard to get were also thought to have a greater mate value.
But does it actually work? In essence, the rarer an object or experience is, the more desirable it becomes. Cialdini asserts that because the warring Capulet and Montague families hamper Romeo and Juliet from courting one and other, it actually encourages them to desire each other even more. As we all know, their ill-fated passion meets a tragic and fatal end.
Dr Cindy Pan and Bianca Dye suggest that instead of trying harder, you might simply try playing harder to get. they reveal how to play the dating game and not.
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit?
For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention. There are many ways to do this, but people playing hard to get most often act confident, talk to others, and withhold sex, according to research published in the European Journal of Personality —all of which “may reflect Withholding information about yourself—or at least, your feelings—can be similarly alluring, according to a recent study in Psychological Science.
Playing Hard To Get Quotes
As someone who develops education programs about relationships for medical professionals, I get all kinds of questions. Sometimes they’re technical, related to the lessons, but other times they’re the real frustrated kind—as if the lessons are an opportunity to vent about the current dating culture. Ah, where do I even begin?
It creates exclusivity. Most of us have the desire to be the best at everything. It keeps you on your toes. Guys might be slightly less intense in this, but they do thrive on that push and pull. It can lead to long term relationships. A study has linked playing hard to get with long term relationship success, which is the opposite of how things usually go when people are just looking for casual hookups.
Because you were already interested. Economics will teach you that people will always invest more in items that are more rare than in the ones that are overabundant.
Dating Games: Playing ‘Hard To Get’ Really Works, Study Confirms
Increase how much he wants you. Want to boost his desire to get to know you? Playing hard to get only works if someone is at least a little bit interested. After all, why work hard for something if you never wanted it to start with? Guys are still surprised when they find an independent woman.
Playing hard to get can be both an effective yet incredibly frustrating as a dating tactic. EliteSingles turned to science to try and better understand it.
Playing hard to get is a flirtatious, natural, fun, sometimes difficult and intimidating course of attack. It is exhilarating when your suitor works for your attention; after all, nothing absolutely spectacular was ever easily accessible. And both the chase and catch feel good! Working the confidence trump card shows you have your priorities in line and know what you want. Pulling it out of the deck and revealing it at the right time is just plain old attractive. Researchers studied the question: “When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction?
The study involved two experiments to find out how playing hard to get influences certain situations.
Why ‘playing hard to get’ may actually work
Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes.
16 men explain what they think when a woman they’re dating plays hard to get.
We tend to like people who like us — a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty.
In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works — which this study sought to clear up.
Does playing ‘hard to get’ work?
Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
Keep yourself busy with hobbies, self-care, and dating other people if you feel comfortable. Boost your confidence by spending time with friends and family who.
It applies to just about everything, from dating to sales. When it comes to getting a girl attracted to you, playing hard to get is one of the most valuable tools you can employ. It creates the vibe that you are the kind of guy that has some pretty high standards. Sometimes, a girl will play hard to get just to see how persistent you are. The more value you project , the more interested a girl will be. They usually want to get to the finish line as quickly as possible, whether it be sex or a relationship.
This is a problem. A guy that lays his cards on the table too quickly, appears to have less value. A girl who gets a guy who she deems as having value, feels like she has increased her value as well. Girls do this all the time. Think about how many guys are sending messages to an attractive girl on their Instagram, and how many then get shut down. One thing all guys should stop doing is idealizing relationships.
Science Explains Why Playing Hard to Get Works In Your Favour
Playing hard to get is the oldest dating ‘trick’ in the book, for sure. Whether it works or not is a totally different question, because while some people might love the thrill of the chase, others just value honesty. Here, 16 guys explain what they’re really thinking when a woman they date plays “hard to get”. Because it let me know right away that she was not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Huge time saver.
Making someone pursue you can do wonders to intensify their interest, but playing ‘hard to get’ effectively is more difficult than just acting.
When a woman plays hard to get, she knows that it will be much more beneficial to her than being too easy to pick up. A woman will play hard to get because it will allow her to find a very confident guy confidence is irresistibly attractive to women and it will usually make guys want her more and value her higher than other guys. I really like her. A woman who plays hard to get will often hide her true feelings and get a guy working hard to keep her attention because she is insecure about her attractiveness.
In other words, women ACT like they are hot stuff and that a guy would be so lucky to be with them, but deep down, almost all women are insecure about their attractiveness to guys. A lot of this has to do with the way that women are presented in magazines, porn and advertisements. A modern woman will look at women in magazines and porn and realize that she looks NOTHING like that unless she really puts a lot of effort in to pile on loads of make up and keep body in perfect shape.
Some women are guarded because they have been hurt by an ex-boyfriend, or may have been quickly dumped once a man was able to attract her and get her interested. To avoid being hurt by you, some women will play hard to get to hopefully make you feel more desperate to be with her. She will attempt to make sure that you are truly interested in a possible relationship with her, before she fully opens herself up to you.
Unfortunately, in most of these cases, men go too far when trying proving themselves and end up turning the woman off by becoming desperate and being too keen.